The Characters of Cylinder and Miserable:

This is, would you believe, a characters page. How incredibly unexpected - I mean, you don't normally get taken to a characters page when you click on a link marked 'The Characters', do you? Anyway, the page is split into two sections, 'Protagonists' and 'Secondaries', and is up to date for the end of Series 1.

The Protagonists:

Cylinder the Cylinder

Name: Cylinder the Cylinder
Status: Alpha Protagonist
Species: Geometrant (Cylindric)
Gender: Male
Age: Young at heart

Cylinder: one of the strip's two main protagonists. Cylinder is a cylinder, excitable, rarely seen without his Matrix-inspired sunglasses, and fond of engaging in random wackiness. He seems to have unlimited financial resources (source unknown), and is spending the hiatus in Hawaii.

Episode 0217: 2007-09-25 (Tue)


Name: Miserable
Status: Protagonist
Species: Geometrant (Cuboidic)
Gender: Male
Age: ?

Miserable spends most of his time living up to his name. He is a manic-depressive cube, bent on just one thing: suicide. He also hates the webcomic Triangle and Robert, as he is paranoid about being in anything resembling a fan strip.

Episode 0218: 2007-09-26 (Wed)

The Author

Name: The Author / Matthew G. H. Colclough
Status: Semi-Fictionalised Cartoonist / Minor Protagonist
Species: Human
Gender: Male
Age: Early 20s

Me!!! I'm not sure how much personal info I really want to let out in this webcomic. So I'll play it safe, and refuse to tell you anything at all except what happens to leak out in the strips. Mwahahahaha!!!

Well, actually, the Author is only half me. The character who the rest of the cast interact with is a semi-fictionalised version of myself, who doesn't know all the things I know about future plot developments.

Episode 0219: 2007-09-27 (Thu)

Secondary Characters:

Blue Thing

Name: Blue Thing
Status: Filler / Comic Relief
Species: Amorph
Gender: None
Age: A few days

Created by the Author in a moment of weakness, to provide filler while the Protagonists found their feet and got some proper storylines going.

Blue Thing has no defined shape, very few meaningful lines, and not much of anything else to recommend it either, really. It probably isn't even sentient. All of the other characters, especially Cylinder, hated it, and nobody was very upset when it finally got killed off.

Oh, and don't ask why it's called 'Blue' - nobody really knows!

Episode 0221: 2007-10-01 (Mon)

Keiran Brickable

Name: Brickable, Keiran
Status: Secondary
Species: Geometrant (Cuboidic)
Gender: Male
Age: Late 40s

A Chieftain of the World Contracting Clan, Keiran runs a building company (following the same trade that has occupied his family for centuries), likes playing SuDoku, and will do stuff in return for free advertising. He and his firm have no formal affiliation with the Protagonists, but nonetheless seem to keep turning up in the story.

Episode 0286: 2008-01-01 (Tue)

Brickable Construction Crew 2

Name: Brickable Construction Crew 2
Status: Bit Parts, usually in Group appearance
Species: Geometrant (Cuboidic)
Gender: Male
Age: Various

There are several of these characters (about 3 or 4, I think), who all look identical to Brickable, and have a shared voice colour of dark brown. The similarity is due to the fact that they all belong to the World Contracting Clan, and Kieran Brickable's different-coloured voice is due to his status as a Clan Chieftain.

Construction Crew 2 seem to have made a habit of tangling with Mushroom Defenders, although they don't seem to do it intentionally.

The Evil Terrorists of Doom

Name: The Evil Terrorists of Doom
Status: Secondaries, always in Group appearance
Species: Geometrant (Regulatic - Octohedral)
Gender: Male (or are they?)
Age: Various

Appeared briefly (for about 5 strips), hijacked Dr. Mallard and his altocruiser, and subsequently vanished with their prey to an unspecified location, reappearing later in Canada.

This is the same group of terrorists who hijacked the plane Cylinder was on over the Andes, leading to the protagonist's parachute jump in Strip 184. You may have picked this up because of the references to 'the suitcase' during the Mallard incident - 'the suitcase' is the one full of used cat litter, which they threatened to open on board the plane unless a passenger jumped.

All speak in pink, not entirely sure why though. Reasons for this may be explored in future storylines.

Frederiah Gatesomon

Name: Gatesomon, Frederiah
Status: Secondary
Species: Geometrant (Regulatic)
Gender: Male
Age: 42

Has only been in handful of strips in Series 1, but will have a more prominent role in Series 2. Works for BrainHack Neuro Programming, as a programmer.

Fred has a younger brother called Harry, who has the same shape and voice colour, but is a little smaller. He also Works for BrainHack.

Doctor Mallard

Name: Doctor Mallard
Status: Secondary
Species: Geometrant (Regulatic - Tetrahedral)
Gender: Male
Age: Late 50s

Mallard: as much a quack as his name implies - he claims to have (a lack of) qualifications in seven different areas - and not the bravest soul in the comic. Also susceptible to very bad luck. He spent a large proportion of his life being traumatized by a dental patient, Toothjaw, before Toothjaw's demise in the events of Strips 237 - 239, and shortly after being relieved of his unwanted patient, Mallard was hijacked by the Evil Terrorists of Doom.

Episode 0224: 2007-10-04 (Thu)

Lord Melonus

Name: Lord Melonus
Status: Secondary
Species: Geometro-Organic (Watermelonoid)
Gender: Male
Age: Late 30s / early 40s

A judge who works at a pink-painted courthouse, subcontracted by the government to Quadratic Justice. Melonus seems to have a hard time distinguishing between 2-year-olds and non-2-year-olds, addressing everyone in a particularly irritating brand of babytalk.

The Mushroom Defender

Name: The Mushroom Defender / Puffballus bar Chanteraz VIII
Status: Secondary
Species: Quasi-Organic (Toadstool Wraith)
Gender: N/A
Age: Claims to be several centuries old, but probably isn't

Claims to be (but may not be) a spirit being, charged with the defense of all mushrooms everywhere. He claims to be part of an ancient sacred order, but nobody actually knows (yet).

Episode 0222: 2007-10-02 (Tue)

The (Other) Mushroom Defenders

Name: The (Other) Mushroom Defenders
Status: Bit Parts, usually in Group appearance
Species: Quasi-Organic (Toadstool Wraith)
Gender: N/A
Age: ?

Introduced about halfway through Series 1. We still don't know much yet, apart from the fact that Mushroom Defenders seem to be quite easy to kill.

The Shopkeeper

Name: The Shopkeeper (real name unknown)
Status: Secondary
Species: Geometrant (Regulatic - Dodecahedral)
Gender: Male
Age: Several decades, possibly one or two centuries

Very little has actually been revealed about 'Shoppy', besides the fact that he runs a near-infinite supermarket, can remember every client and all of their purchases, and yet fails to remember his own name. He may or may not weild enormous power over the very fabric of the strip. We shall find out later.

Episode 0220: 2007-09-28 (Fri)


Name: Toothjaw
Status: Secondary
Species: Organic (possibly a mutant crocodile)
Gender: Male
Age: 33

Toothjaw: the name says it all. The name says it all.

Episode 0223: 2007-10-03 (Wed)